Focus

It's been an interesting summer at the Farmer household. I won't go into details but it'll definitely be one of "those summers" we'll remember and talk about for years to come, and it's not even over yet! The unexpected happenings and chaos has left me slightly overwhelmed and wondering if we'll ever figure out "normal" around here again. I think all of this has pushed me to lose my focus and that's left me quite irritated and stressed lately. You know, what I'm coming to realize through all of this though... is that "focus" I referred to "losing" has been centered on no one other than myself. [Enter] - stress and irritation when life happens apart from what I had planned or envisioned. Oh my true colors have been shining through brightly and it's not pretty.


I had my spine re-aligned (I think that's what you call it) last week but I'm thinking what I really need is my focus re-aligned. No one wants to call themselves a self-centered person and I'd rather not think of myself in that way but my goodness... it's easy to get caught up in that, that's for sure! And I think I've been camping out here too long. Reflecting on my life as it is right now and knowing how I have been responding has really proved to me that the main cause of my problems are really the root. Selfishness. 


I know where my focus should be. Why does it constantly get skewed though? I was listening to a song today and began to cry as I sang the lyrics. It was exactly my heart towards God at the time


I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become 
Bring me back to a place of forgiveness and grace
I need you, I need your help, I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo what I've become


Life just happens. Everyday. You never know what's coming. Truly though, there is only One who does know. Through Jesus, God offers surety and security no matter what. Control is what most of us want. Since ultimately we will never have it completely, why wouldn't we surrender to the One who does. 


So once again, I'm refocusing on the One who will never fail me. The One who will fill me up so I can then pour out onto others. Maybe then I'll consider these unexpected, unplanned and unwanted occurrences to be platforms for God to use as He so purposefully pleases, knowing that it's for my good and the spread of His awesome name.